Thursday, February 7, 2013

Who Learnt You How To Spoke? A Bad YouTube Grammar Rant (Part 1)

First up, I want to give a shout out to Gineriella, because she had the balls to do this...

But anyway, back to the business at hand.  (Vulgarity ensues.  Read at your own risk.)

I'm a YouTube junkie.  Been like that since I posted my first AMV (Anime Music Video) seven years ago.  From all the thousands of videos I've watched, I've noticed a drastic increase in atrocious grammar.  An increase of exponential amounts.  I shall start with the basics, then move up to the "advanced" levels of horrible spelling, grammar, and lack of punctuation.

"Your & You're" - This makes me shake my head in disgust.  "Your" and "You're" are never to be used interchangeably, people!  I occasionally have to tell my sweet lil' ol' boyfriend not to do that whenever we send each other texts (His grammar and spelling are excellent; he sometimes flubs the "your" part).  Sounds pretty stupid for somebody to say, "I speek inglish well you dont no wat your tlkn abt."  Not only is the word "your" used incorrectly, but this sentence is almost indecipherable.  It's as though most youngsters brought text-speak to YouTube and formed their own incomprehensible dialect that only an amoeba can understand (since most people who type in text-speak have the I.Q. of an amoeba).

A sub-topic from above: "u & ur" - Please don't ever abbreviate the above words.  I hate shorthand text!  I see that and I'm reading it like this:

u = Long "oo" sound
ur = The Sumerian city-state of ancient Mesopotamia

Don't ever type "ur" in place of you are!  This ain't no freakin' city-state from ancient times, people!!!

"It's and Its" - Yet another example why I question the IQ's of people on YouTube.  "Its" and "It's" are also never to be used interchangeably.

It's = It is
Its = Possessive form of it
"You know that big nasty boil on your thigh?  If you don't drain that thing then it's going to look like a gunshot wound." - Example of "It's"
"See that cute little Pikachu on the TV?  That adorable yellow fluff ball's got a wedge in its tail, letting you know that she's a female." - Example of "Its"

What Pikachu thinks of bad grammar

"There, Their, and They're" - These are also NEVER!!! to be used interchangeably.  I have also noticed that a lot of Kim Whore--excuse me, Kardashian stans* make this mistake all the time (as well as break the rules of grammar) whilst defending this ratchet.**  "Your just jelouse coz she make's more money then yhu and their hot af go kill you're self" is usually their defense.  Notice all the horrible spelling in this so-called sentence.  This is the "advanced" form of bad grammar and spelling, which we'll get to in a bit.  And if these stans are going to defend some bitch who got famous by swallowing Ray J's cum and taking it through the back door on video, they should at least read "English Grammar for Dummies" before posting a comment or form a coherent sentence.  Granted I'll still laugh off their attempt at a rebuttal, but I would commend them for taking out a few minutes of their precious time to proofread their comment and use SpellCheck.

Slang Lesson Time!!!

*Stan - Taken from the song title by rapper Eminem, a stan is a person with an unhealthy obsession over their favorite celebrities.  Cross between "stalker" and "fan."

**Ratchet - Black urban slang for a whore, skeezer, etc.

End of Slang Lesson Time

Now that we've covered some of the basics, let's get to the "advanced" part of the lesson/rant.

"Cos/Coz" - If you folks out there only knew how much I want to backhand the people who use these "words" in place of "because," as well as others who spell it "becouse."  First off, (Rage Mode Activated) THERE IS NO FUCKING "O" IN THE WORD "BECAUSE!!!" (Rage Mode De-activated)  Are people so lazy that they have to shorthand even the simplest of words?  We learned how to spell "because" in the first grade, for crying out loud; why misspell it now that you're grown?

"Definately" - Survey says...? **Family Feud buzzer** I would love more than to punch out the people who even write or type this.  (Rage Mode Re-activated)  STOP FUCKING TYPING THE WORD "DEFINITELY WITH A FUCKING "A!!!"  AND IF I CATCH YOU TYPING IT AS "DEFFINATLEY," "DEFFINATTLY," OR EVEN "DEFIANTLY," I'M GOING TO TAKE YOUR FUCKING KEYBOARD, BASH YOU UPSIDE THE HEAD WITH IT, AND MAKE YOU EAT THE KEYS FOR BREAKFAST!!!  DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND ME?!!  (Rage Mode De-activated...again)  Wow, so many F-bombs.

"Yhu" - What kind of ghetto ass Chinese are urban teenagers speaking?  Since when was "You" ever spelled with an "H?"  I see that, and I think of somebody working at the local Chinese food joint where I get my pepper chicken.  "Hi, my name Ling Yhu, I take your order?"  Please, all you teenagers out there (3rd rage mode) STOP SPELLING "YOU" WITH A FUCKING "H!!!"

Since I've pretty much run out of room to even finish, I'm just going to leave you guys with those three dreaded words.

TRUE BELLS CLANG (To Be Continued?)

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